The Super Duper Crossover Show!
by Mii-Sama
Summary: The result of fanboyism in the anime world towards the real world! Suggestive Pairings...
1. Chapter 1

Hello all you happy people! This teaser is dedicated to me slaves, Kat and Kai!! BWAHAHAHA! Dinner time! Hope you likey!

PS: Reviewers are loved. 3 3 3 3

**DISCLAIMERS:** I do not own most of the characters. Though I have them all locked up in me closet. Which is kind of weird because me closet has no door.

(If you don't know who some of the characters are, there are links on me profile!)

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**Chapter 1**

(Picture looms from side to side)

Kurama: Damn It, L! Hold the camera straight!

L: My apologies. (Holds camera straight at Kurama)

John: Ew! Don't try to give Kurama your aids!

L: What? (Camera looks at John)

John: Kurama! Don't take the apologies! You might get very sick!

All: .

(L turns camera to Itachi)

Itatchi: Hey, look! I tried to make a plushie of Kat! -Doll slumps over-

Mello: Ha! That's nothing! -Pulls out a binder full of pictures that he either printed out or drew-

(Near stood behind Mello and wiggled a finger puppet of a girl)

(Stare)

Kurama: Moving on. -Leads the group away-

(The rest chat about their favorite characters)

Mello: Omigosh! Omigosh! I love Dianna! I love Dianna!

Near: If I had the Death Note, I'd give it away to be with her.

Mello: I love her more! -Tackles Near-

Itatchi: You guys are fighting over nothing. -Puts arm in jacket- Kat is the best anyway! -Pulls out drawing of Kat-

L: Hurry, we need to get to Jamba Juice before the line gets big.-Runs and puts camera away-

All: Okay!

-Mello, Itatchi, L and John outside waiting, Near walked out, slurping his drink-

Mello: Hey, Near

Near: Huh? -looks up to see Mello-

Mello: What flavor is that drink?

Near: Oh, this? -Lifts drink- its berries and cream.

(Mello, wide eyed, stared at Near silently. Everyone watched them)

Mello: -Dancing- Berries and cream, berries and cream! I'm a little lad who loves berries and cream!

(Silence)

Sasuke: Enough, enough! That's enough!

L: I think I've officially become traumatized.

(Kurama, John and Itatchi come out)

Kurama: What's wrong with you guys?

(No response)

(Kurama shrugged and they went to McDonalds)

L: Itatchi, order for us. -Pulls on cloak-

What?! Ah! Fine. But you Bakas better order if you want more!-Walks to the counter-

(Chuckles)

(When the order came)

L: Aw! I hate pickles! -Tosses them to Sasuke's sandwich-

L: HA! HA! -Throws the pickles from John and Kurama's sandwiches- Yeah!

Mello/Near: Now let's all talk about Doujinshi!

Sasuke: Yeah -Throws fist into the air then goes back to eating-

Sasuke: Did you see that one with Kat in the pig suit? It was so hot.

(Itatchi puts his hand on the back of Sasuke's head and smashed his head on the table again and again, Itatchi without emotion.)

Near: I like it when Dianna kicks Mi-chan and her panties show when she wears a skirt.

Mello: I like the Mi-chan and Kai pairing myself. -Sips tea-

Kurama/L/John: -Glare-

John: Not the Mi-chan, dude. -Pulls pillow from under Mello. Mello falls-

Mello: What?! Haven't you ever thought about it?!

Itatchi: Only of Kat and Mi-chan. -Sips tea and gets hit by French fry- Alright, who did that?! -Stands-

L: -Eats calmly-

L: What are you looking at?

Itatchi: -Glares-

L: No, bad Itatchi! Eat your food! -Hits Itatchi's nose with a French fry-

Itatchi: -Growls and widens eyes-

L: Bong! -Mocking-

(Itatchi glares and sits back down)

Mello: Either way, I would think that you would like some SpikexMi-chan.

Kurama: Oh, sure. Taunt us.

Sasuke: I do admit that's pretty hot.

(Kurama, John and L glare)

John: Spike is a DOG!

Sasuke: So, and I'm a person.

Near: I want to go home now.

All: Why?

Near: I want to go watch some Dianna doujin! -Mello nods-

(They all went home and watched their characters, wondering what the hell they'd do with their lives in the next day)

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Very short, yes. But it's a short day...


	2. Day 2

**Day 2**

L: Hey. Hey. Heeey! -Pokes-

Kurama: Huh? -Sits up-

L: Wake up.

Kurama: Why? It's Saturday! -Hugs pillow-

L: Actually.

John: It's Friday.

Kurama: WHAT?! -Jumps and runs for the door-

(John and L laughed as Kurama held the door knob. He stopped, realizing that he was tricked. He turned to them, glaring)

Kurama: It's not Friday. Is it?

L: No. -Smiles-

(Kurama throws the pillow at L. L fell back, still laughing)

John: It's about to start, though.

Kurama: What is? -Stands over L-

(They run for the TV and John gets there first)

-Knock Knock!-

All: -Stare at each other-

(Plays rock, paper, scissors. John loses)

John: Dammit! -Walks to the door- By the way, nice face, Kurama face.

Kurama: Huh? -Touches ink stained face. Glares at L-

L: Shuiichi-san, I merely wanted to make you prettier. -Eyelashes flutter-

(John opened the door to see Mello, Near, Itatchi and Sasuke greeting him)

John: Hey guys. Come in!

Mello: Is the show on yet? -Sits in from of TV and eats popcorn-

Kurama: Yeah.

Mello: -Leans to Kurama; still watching TV and eating popcorn- Nice face.

Itachi: Shut up, bitches! The show's starting! -Stands in front of TV-

"Hey, pussy, down in front!" Mello commanded, throwing a handful of popcorn at him.

They all chuckled. Itatchi sneered in anger and sat down next to Sasuke, who instinctively defended himself. Itatchi did nothing so he let out a sigh.

Itatchi grabbed the back of Sasuke's head and pushed his head into the floor with force.

"Quit fucking, you goddamn yaoi pair! The shows on!" Kurama calmed them.

The theme song came on and they all sang along with it. The song ended and the house was quiet.

_A group of girls met up and went to school then went home._

Everyone in the house was speechless.

The silence was broken when they began to shout and hoot in amazement.

"Best show ever! Best show ever!" Mello stood and pointed.

L stood silent.

"Is there a problem, L?" Kurama asked.

L: -Fingers at temples- Ssh! Mi Mi-chan senses are tingling.

OO

(Mi-chan turned and looked at the sky, squinting)

Kai: Mi-chan?

Mi-chan: Ssh! My Ryu-kun senses are tingling.

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Jeeeessss! I win! I finished it! Jesss! I'm writing only for myself because no one is reading so jesss!!!!


	3. Something Pretty For the Recycle Bin

... Okay... Only one reviewer (Besides myself) and I think I love them... O.o ... Anyway, I decided to make this a little easier to read... Also... I dedicate this to my reviewer... Hmm... If there were more reviews like that, I just might not need to think as hard for another chapter...

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**Something Pretty For the Recycle Bin**

Kurama: Hello, My name is Shuiichi Minamino, more commonly know as Yoko Kurama. I come from the show you all view as Yu Yu Hakusho. I wish to shout this introduction t-

Mello: Yeah, we're hell of late for that...

Kurama: Now Mello, you can talk after us.

L: Yes, so shut the hell up and let us speak. You can rant about how you wear curlers to bed afterwards...

Mello: -jumps back- I DO NOT WEAR CURLERS TO BED!!!

Near: -plays with toys- He prefers the term... Well, actually, there is no manly term for your curlers, Mello.

Itatchi/Sasuke: -Snickers-

Mello: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! -Turns to Near- YOU'RE NOT HELPING!!!

Kurama: ... As I was saying, this is dedicated to Ryuuzaki-hugs. About me: I am a demon and I have long red hair and green eyes.

John: And he's very intelligent.

Kurama: Don't flatter me, John.

L: I wouldn't suggest that, Kurama-san. He might do it...

John: Hey! Just because I was in the army all of my life and had lost my kindness to war and my virginity to Mi-chan doesn't mean that I don't have a soft side. I'm not like Flippy. I take my medicine in the morning...

Sasuke: -Whispers to Itatchi- He must have picked up the wrong medicine.

John: STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!!!

L: My turn!

Kurama: But I didn't fini-

L: You used to be an evil demon that traveled with Hiei and some other demon until you met Yusuke, which was also the time your mother was ill and so you vowed to give in easily so that you may help your mother which may cost your life.

(Everyone stares)

L: But Yusuke tries to sacrifice himself instead and so you two ended up not dying due to his selfless deed and you help him in many cases and travel and fight in a tournament and blah blah blah... Nothing important...

Kurama: ... Well, if that's how you view me... -Folds arms and turns away-

L: Yeah, whatever... So, anyway, I am L Lawleit. Yes, L from Death Note. I solve the hardest cases the PD couldn't until I met in a Kira case where a young man-

Mello: Your lover... -Makes kissing noises and rubs his body so that it looks like he's actually kissing someone.-

(L throws Near's toy at Mello. Mello falls)

L: HE WAS NOT MY LOVER! Only Mi-chan is...

Near: -Cries- Oh... My toy...

John: Anyway...

L: Anyway, I keep finding Kiras popping up everywhere like bunnies on Valentine's Day and I end up getting killed by the original Kira.

Mello: So your boyfriend hated you that much, huh?

(Hits Mello with Near's other toy)

L: Get out of here! You know what?! I'm not choosing you as my successor! Go away! Shoo!!!

Near: -Sobs- My other toy...

Sasuke: Oh, I get it! He hated you so much that he got rid of you... Tough love...

L: SHUT UP! SHUT UP, I SAY!

John: I'm known as Master Chief... No... I'm not in an anime... I was just in the neighborhood... My real name is John. My given number is SPARTAN 117. I have to fight a war against the coventant. I have to travel from these plant-like rings called 'Halo's. (HALO is a game...)

Itatchi: And together, the three morons (Kurama, L and John) form the "WE-LOVE-MI-CHAN-AND-IF-YOUTOUCH-HER-I-WILL-KILL-YOU-experience"...

Mello: ... Interesting...

Itatchi: Shut up, cross dresser!

Sasuke: HAHAHAHA!

Mello: -Gasps offended- I AM NOT A CROSS DRESSER!

Near: I agree... -Plays with toy cars-

Mello: Thank you. You're not totally useless after all!

Near: He only dresses up like a school girl on the weekends in his room, where he thinks no one will see him.

Mello: HEY! A room is supposed to be private! It's sacred!

Near: So is a diary... But only chicks use those...

Mello: -writing and reading to himself- Dear diary... -Closes it- I was just... Um... About to burn this...

(Stares)

Mello: ... What? I found this, I swear!!!

Sasuke: Sure you did...

Mello: Grr...

Near: As you may know, I am Near, or Nate River. I am also from Death Note, as is Mello.

Mello: Heh? -Looks over from slouching and reading Kai Yuri-

Near: Sadly... As I was saying, I, along with that thing, was next in line to be L. After L's 'death,' we split into different organizations, whereas I end up being the last survivor in the entire Kira case.

Mello: -Drools and reads- That Kai has a hot ass...

Near: Ahem.

Mello: -Hides book- Oh, sorry. I am Mello! Now shut the hell up and listen to me, mother fuckers, before I send my entire Mafia gang on you.

Random guy 1 from Mello's Mafia: Why do we take orders from that blonde kid?

Random guy 2 from Mello's Mafia: Because he's the closest thing we can get to in replacement for a chick...

Mello: What?! Matt!

(Matt appears behind him)

Mello: Shoot them.

Matt: Yes, sir. -Takes out gun and shoots-

Mello: Ha! Did you see that?! That's how powerful I am!

Itatchi: ... And together, _they_ make the "I-WANT-TO-GET-IN-KAI'S-UNDERWEAR-gang..."

Mello: Bitch... Matt, gun ready.

Matt: Hmph. -Aims at Itatchi-

Sasuke: ... Any particular reason you're wearing mouse ears? ...

Matt: -Gets up; in gay voice and twirls hair- They make me feel gangst-ah.

(Sweatdrops)

Itatchi: Oh, please... I am Itatchi Uchiha. Fear me...

Mello: ... that's it?

Itatchi: What?!

Mello: 'I am Itatchi... Fear me...' Oh, yeah, you just made the statement of the year.

Itatchi: ... You know what? Shut the fuck up.

Mello: Haha!

Sasuke: I am Sasuke Uchiha, Itatchi's younger brother.

L: And the uke.

Sasuke: What?! Are you implying that just because I have a grudge on him that I must have some secret relationship with him that no one knows about that takes place every night at midnight in the bed that doesn't even happen?

(Silence)

L: ... Yes... That is exactly what I'm implying...

Sasuke: Well, you know what?! -Runs to Itatchi and makes out with him-

John: And those two together make up the "YAOI-PAIR-GIFT-WRAPPED-FOR-KAT-kittens."

Kurama: What the hell are you doing, Mello?!

-Mello films Itatchi and Sasuke-

Mello: Shut up... Great blackmail material for later...

L: ... Oh, so that's how he got to be leader in the mafia...

Near: Yup...

(L takes a car from Near and throws it at Mello)

Mello: What the flying-fuck!?

Near: THAT WASN'T A FLYING FUCK! -Takes toy and strokes it- It's the limited edition Batmobile from the KDFJHGS, series 3, with the limited edition action figure, with anatomically correct action and a penis enlarging utility belt! It's one-of-a-kind!!!

John: Hey, let me see that...

L: OMG... That is scary...

-John pulls down the pants-

John: Hey! It _is_ anatomically correct!

(Kurama and L shield their eyes)

L: That was scarier...

Mello: Holy shit, dude! Did you see that episode when Kai tried to seduce her teacher?!

Kurama: ...

Mello: She wore that skirt with her boots and stockings, remember?

L: Do we want to? ... -Throws toy at John- Stop molesting that!

Mello: Anyway, she was all in the class and tried to jump on the desk but the boots held her down -chuckle- and she sat on the desk and told him, "Mr. Wyant... Ahem... David... I'm not wearing anything under this." -Mello bursts into laughter-

L: I think I remember that...

Kurama: Yeah, isn't that the episode where Mi-chan sees Ichigo?

Ichigo Kurosaki: Huh?

Kurama: not you, Ichigo. Ichigo... Some guy she likes...

Ichigo: ...

John: ... I hate him...

L: As do I...

Kurama: I think he's cool...

(L and John glare)

Kurama: I mean... He's short...

(Glare turns into a stare)

Kurama: -looks at them- ... Mi-chan's my wife...

L: She's mine too.

John: Yeah.

Mello: Wasn't today's episode when Mi-chan told Kai that her kinky name was mommy when she had sex with her?

Near: And Kai's was Shanikua ... Mi-chan's her mommy...

L: Damn... We impregnated her, like, three times...

Near: I think we should all be friends... Just like a family...

Mello: ... I want to be your son! -To L-

Near: ... I do too!

L: But if you are my son, you can't be with Kai...

Mello: That's right, huh... -strokes chin- Is it wrong to have sex with your sister?

L: -Eyes shift- In Mi-chan's eyes, yes...

Mello: Fuck... Eh, I'll do it anyway...

Near: Then it's settled...

L/Kurama/John: ...

Kurama: Oh! Show's on!!!

(Everyone runs to sit in front of the TV)

Mello: STOP TOUCHING MY HAIR, DAMN IT!!!

Near: It cannot be helped. It's so soft. -Pets-

Mello: -Glare-

OO

Mi-chan: Why do I feel like kicking Ryu-kun's ass for bringing more kids into our house after I tried so hard to ship them down the river right now? ...


	4. Year 4

**Year 4**

**NOTE: **… -Purrs-

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L: WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! -Bangs head on desk-

Kurama: Why what?

John: Well, I'm off to the war, dears! Have a nice life and I'll see you all in hell. -Leaves-

Kurama: ... -Turns to L- L?

L: -Glomps- Eh…

Mello: What the fuck is wrong with him?

Kurama: I don't know…

Itachi: Then that makes you just as retarded as he is…

Kurama: At least I don't have sex with my younger brother…

Itachi: ... -Walks away-

Kurama: Where the hell are you going?!

Itachi: I have to get Sasuke down... -Walks out-

(Mello and Kurama look at each other)

Mello: Get Sasuke down from where?

_(In the bathroom)_

-Near opens the door- ... O.o …

(Sasuke, nude, taped to the wall)

Near: … -Twitch twitch- ... -Closes door and leaves-

_(Back to the group)_

L: WHY?! WHY?! -Hits head on computer-

Kurama: Stop, stop! What is the matter with you?!

L: Someone replaced my pictures of Mi-chan with hentai... AGAIN! -Turns screen to reveal SephirothxMi-chan hentai-

Mello: Hey! Click back to that one!

L: NO! -Clicks out-

Mello: Aww. -Near walks in- ... What the fuck's the matter with you?

Near: ... -Twitching-

Kurama: Was it Sasuke?

Near: -Nod nod-

Kurama: Ah... Ew…

L: Who would do such a thing to my pictures?!

Sephiroth: Bwahahahaha! -Falls- Ow… -Gets up- Bwahahahahaha!

L: Sephiroth? Again?! Damn you!

Mello: Who the fuck is the chick?

Near: You're one to talk…

Kurama: That's Sephiroth... You know, from Final Fantasy.

Near: How sad the way the name contradicts the many games made.

Mello: … Okay… Whaaaat?

Sephiroth: Mi-chan is mine! I love her more!

Mello: ... So he's like that Jessica chick in that one episode? …

Kurama: Exactly…

L: You replaced my pictures again?!

Sephiroth: Yes... Yes, I did…

L: Gawd. Get over yourself! Stop obsessing over Mi-chan! She's not a real character!

_(Our World)_

Mi-chan: … Ow…

Kai: Mi-chan? What happened?

Mi-chan: ... I… Don't... Know…

_(Back to their world)_

Sephiroth: … I guess you're right…

Mello/Kurama: That easily? …

L: That's right… -Pats Sephiroth- Besides, Mi-chan's mine…

Sephiroth/Kurama: HELL NO!

Mello: Here we go... -Smiles-

L: Uh, oh... -Runs-

Sephiroth/Kurama: -Chase- Grr!

(Itachi walks in with Sasuke)

Itachi: ... -Looks around- What did I miss?

Mello: Oh, nothing much... Kat just came in and stripped for us, you know... Nothing Special.

Itachi: WHAT!?

Near: Daddy's cowering…

Mello: That's because Kat traumatized him…

Itachi: -Punch-

(L cowers)

Mello: Hey, Near!

Near: Hmm?

Mello: Do you remember why Kai tried to seduce Wyant?

Near: ...

Mello: Because she needed money!

Near: ...First of all, that was _really_ random. Second of all, why doesn't she just get it from her second job?

Mello: Hmm... I don't know…

Near: O.o… -Runs to L- Daddy, Daddy!

L: Eh? -Looks up from his cowering-

Near: -Grunt voice- I want to rape Mello…

L: Well, I'm not stopping you…

Near: Yay! -Jumps to Mello-

Mello: WHAT?! -Near jumps on Mello-

Near: Now… Tonight… You... -Pulls on Mello's shirt-

Kurama: ... L, you're a bad influence on kids…

L: Yep… Why do you think you pay so much for dentist bills?

Kurama: ...Huh... -Finger on chin-

Matt: Mello-sama!

Mello: Matt! Thank GAWD you're here! Get this idiot off of me!

Matt: -Jumps on Mello also- Oh, Mello-sama!

Mello: You idiot! What the hell are you doing?!

Near: -Smiles- Hm!

Matt: I've been waiting all my life to do this...

Mello: S-stop it! -Matt's face closes in on him-

Matt: That smudge bothered the shit out of me... -Rubs smudge off-

Mello: -Growls and pushes Matt off- YOU DICK-WAD!!!

Matt: Mello-sama? …

Near: Mello? …

Mello: I thought you were going to kiss me!!!

Matt: Now, Mello, you know I'd never try that… I'm straight. Besides, I rape Misa every night.

L: …

Mello: EXACTLY!!!

(Silence)

Mello: Never do something like that unless you are about to kiss, rape, molest or bang me!!! -Near notes these-

L: Holy shit... Itachi and Sasuke aren't the only ones who like peanuts.

Sasuke: D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Unit!!!

L: -Slaps with rolled up newspaper- No! No! Bad Uke... Bad!

Sephiroth: Now I must take my leave... -Jumps on the window- I bid you ad-

L/Kurama: I wouldn't do that if I were-

Sephiroth: -Falls- Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!

L: ...Should we go after him?

Kurama: -Sighs and nods to L-

L/Kurama: -Jumps after him-

Mello: ...-Turns to Near- Now what?

Near: We could-

Mello: NO!

Near: Aww... -Looks down-

Matt: But, Mello-sama…

Mello: WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE, MATT!?!?

(Matt's head slumps and he leaves)

Near: You're a meanie…

Mello: HOW!?

Near: …

Mello: No! …Not now, anyway.

Near: -Looks up and smiles-

Mello: On one condition: I'm the Semei!

Near: Therefore you are KIRA!!!

Mello: What?

Near: I don't know. Reaction? …

Sasuke: Itachi-sama! Hold me…

Itachi: Not now, Sasuke…

Sasuke: -Cries-

Itachi: -Sighs and opens arms-

Sasuke: YAY! -Hug-

Itachi: Why me? …

Mello: Because you raped him…

Itachi: -Growls-

Mello: Hey, don't get mad at me…

Sasuke: Hey, Near! -Near looks up- Can I play with that vibrating thingy you keep hidden in your room?

Near: O.o... -Looks around- No…

Sasuke: Aww, why not?

Near: Because… It has diabetes… Like Daddy should have!

Mello: How nice…

Near: Go play with Deidara.

Sasuke: Deidara?

Mello: Diana?

Sasuke: No, Deidara.

Mello: Kiara?

Sasuke: Deidara.

Mello: Kirara?

Sasuke: DEIDARA!

Mello: ... Julie?

Sasuke: -Sighs-

Itachi: Remember, kids, if you ever meet Deidara, never shake his hand.

Sasuke: Why?

Itachi: Because he has another mouth on his hand...

Sasuke: It must annoy his husband... Two mouths but both are always complaining...

Itachi: ...

Mello: Hey! He can have the best make-outs ever!!! Chick not included... OR NEEDED!!!

Near: Damn... He must give himself killer blow jobs...

Itachi: ...

Near: What's this? -picks up notebook-

(Mello and Sasuke run over)

Itachi: Nosey asses. -Folds arms-

Mello: Porn?

Itachi: -Runs over-

Near: It looks like L wrote it.

Mello: L? L writes?

(Reads)

All: ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Sasuke: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?

Mello: We should put this online!

Near: ... -Walks to the computer-

Itachi: What are you doing?

(Near doesn't answer)

Mello: O.o… You sneaky bastard…

L/Kurama: Hey, guys.

Near: -Hugs computer-

L: Shit, hurt yourself yet?

Kurama: What are you doing?

Near: Nothing…

L: It doesn't look like nothing...

Itachi: Hey, L.

L: Huh?

Itachi: Would you like to meet my good friend?

Mello/L/Kurama/Sasuke: Your 'good friend?'

Itachi: Yeah…

Sasuke: What's his name?

Itachi: (Glare)

Kurama: Yes, what is your 'friend's' name?

Itachi: (Eyes shift) ... Let me go get him first. (Runs and pulls Sasuke with him)

(Loud bangs can be heard, then moaning, then silence)

Itachi: (Comes out with a statue)

L: Where's Sasuke?

Itachi: (Looks up to think then looks back at them) ... He... Died...

Kurama: ... Uh huh... And is this your 'friend?'

Itachi: Yep...

Near: (From the other side of the room) He sure looks a lot like Sasuke...

Itachi: Yep...

Mello: Hey, yeah! He sure is ugly like him!

(Snickers and silence when Itachi glares at them)

Kurama: So does your friend have a name?

Itachi: Yep...

All: ...

Mello: (Sharp sigh) What the fuck is it?!

Itachi: Yep... I mean... This is my good friend, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta... (Eyes shift then squint) Kintei...

All: (Stare)

(Near finishes downloading the file)

Computer: (Near wide-eyed) FINISHED DOWNLOADING FILE.

L: File? What file?

Near: (Hugs computer again) Um... There's no file... The computer lies...

Computer: NO. COMPUTERS DO NOT LIE.

Near: (Eyes the computer)

L: What was it saying about a file?

Near: No, nothing, there is no file...

Computer: YES THERE IS.

Near: No, there isn't.

Computer: YES THERE IS.

Near: Stop it.

Computer: NO, YOU STOP IT.

Near: You started it, now stop it.

Computer: COMPUTERS DO NOT START IT. YOU STARTED IT.

Near: Stop it.

Computer: NO, YOU STOP IT.

Near: No, you stop it.

Computer: NO, YOU STOP IT.

Near: No, you stop it.

Computer: NO, YOU STOP IT.

Near: ... I'll stop it.

Computer: YES YOU WILL.

Near: (Glare)

Computer: PARENTHESIS-GLARE-PARENTHESIS.

Near: (Stands and walks away)

All: (Stare)

Near: (Hits computer with a baseball bat)

All: O.O...

Near: (Twirls hair calmly) Now try to back-talk me, stupid computer. (Walks away)

Computer: (Breaking) I... KNOW... YOU... ARE... BUT... WHAT... AM... I?

Near: (Comes back and smashes it again)

All: O.o ...

Mello: Stop! Dude, it's dead!

Itachi: ... Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei feels left out...

Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei: (Grumble)

Itachi: What's that, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei? You want to call them stupid? Go ahead. Listen up, panda-whores, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei has something to say!

(Everyone stares)

Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei: ...

All: ...

Mello: ... Well, fuck you too!!!

Kurama: What the fuck?

Mello: Didn't you hear that bastard?!

Kurama: ...

Mello: He called me a girl!!! Gawd! Does taking time out of your day to make your hair decent make you a girl?

Near: For you, yeah...

Mello: Shut up, Near!!! You're just as bad as Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei...

Near: He just called you a pussy.

Mello: FUCK YOU IKO WAKKA KIKI MAKA KUNTA KINTEI!!! FUCK YOU AND YO COUCH!!!

L: How the hell do you remember that?

Mello: Subtitles.

Kurama: Ah... I should've known.

L: Me too...

Near: Hey, L, that Sephiroth guy made a fannon-fiction about Mi-chan and put you in it...

L: Really?! ... Is that the same computer that you just smashed? ...

Near: Don't be silly, that computer was a MAPPLE. This computer is an iJAK.

Kurama: How could you have not seen the difference, L?

L: I'm sorry!!! T.T

Mello: READ THE GODDAMN STORY ALREADY!!! ... ITACHI! Stop making out with that bastard, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei!

Itachi: ... (Eyes shift then goes back to making out with statue)

Near: "A short story" by ILoveMi-chanmorethanLKJ. Sephiroth loved Mi-chan but he was already married to L, Kurama and John and this greatly upset him! He stalked them into teh dead of night and then... dun dun dun... He killed Mi-chan's lovers!!!!! MUWHAHAHAHAHAH -He laughed to himself into teh wee hours of the morning. Then... Mi-chan came out of her house and screamed as she saw her lovers' bodies lying there... Then she got over it and went to live with Sephiroth- They lived happily ever after- The end... Muwahahahahaha... Jk.

Next day- They come back to life and Mi-chan dumps Sephiroth at teh sight of her once-dead lovers... Rrrr... So Sephiroth gets the courage up to kill them... Again... Muwhahahaha!!!! Mi-chan goes to Sephiroth, but in the end- He kills everyone except Kai and Kat b/c they are hott too!

... Can I stop reading this shit? It's making me dizzy...

Kurama: HA! We should make a better fanfiction!

L: Yeah! Then WE'LL post it on HA! NARUTO! COME BACK WITH SAS- I mean Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei!!! I'm not done screwing him yet!!!

Naruto: HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Mello: ... HAHAHA! You all have arch enemies and me and Near don't! (Cartmon mock) Ha ha ha ha ha ha. We don't have arch enemies!

Near: (Reading) PS: Raito agrees with me when we say that the KaixMi-chan pairing sucks. ... Huh...

Mello: (Stare) ... DAMN YOU RAITO!!! DAMN YOU TO MI-CHANXKAI HATING HELL!!!

Kurama: ...Imagine if I actually met Mi-chan.

Sasuke: (Jealous) Imagine if I actually met Kat.

Kurama: She'd probably dress you up in that Tiki suit that Itachi dresses you up in.

Sasuke: ...I don't like that suit.

Itachi: ...I really don't give a shit, but, for the sake of you having sex with me, tell me anyway.

Sasuke: It's dark in there.

Mello: In where?

Itachi: -Stares at Mello, then to Sasuke, smiling evilly-

Sasuke: Oh, no.

Itachi: -Puts Tiki suit on Sasuke-

Mello: Oh, hey, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei. Have you seen Sasuke around here?

Itachi: (To Near) I'll bet you five million dollars that he'll fall for it.

L: For what? Besides, Near, that's not a very good investment.

Near: I'm not stupid enough to fall for that, Itachi. -Plays with toy robot-

Itachi: Kurama? Are you up for a little bet?

L: No, Kurama.

Kurama: L's telling me no. My mind is telling me no. My conscience is telling me no but my body says yes! Will I do the smart thing and listen to my smart self? Of course not.

Itachi: Awesome. -Shakes hands and takes suit off of Sasuke-

Sasuke: -Gasp, wheeze-

Mello: -Wide eyes and points- ... Hey, Sasuke, have you seen Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei?

Itachi: -Puts suit back on-

Mello: Oh, hey, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei. Have you seen Sasuke?

Itachi: -Takes suit off from Sasuke-

Mello: Wow, Sasuke, you keep missing Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei. He was just here.

Sasuke: (Tired) I'll bet.

Itachi: I win.

L: Oh, Kurama.

Near: Damned hormones.

Kurama: Yep, well, I guess I owe you a million bucks.

Itachi: Pay up, bitch. -Puts hand out-

Kurama: Oh, hold on. Let me get my checkbook. -Leaves room-

Itachi: Ha! You might as well just give me your whole purse!

Near/L: -Stare-

Itachi: ...What? It doesn't match him anyway.

Kurama: Here we are, Itachi: One million bucks.

Itachi: Come to Itachi!

(Millions of stampeding bucks run over Itachi)

All: O.O …

(Hours later)

Itachi: -In full body cast- Grrrrr...

Kurama: -Snickers-

L: Kurama.

Kurama: WHAT?! I paid him.

L: -Sigh- Here, -Holds up doggy treat- go give this to Spike so you can go get Mi-chan.

Kurama: AWESOME!!! -Takes the treat and runs- Mi-chan, here I come!!!

O)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))O

I don't own the original story of "A short story" by blah blah blah... But I do own that one! I will kill the creator of the original story later on in life, then cut her face of and glue it on a paper bag and wear it so I WILL own the story... But until then, I'll just stab my voodoo dolls of her...

-Stab-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

-Pokes thumb-

... Hmm... -Faints-


	5. Teh 5th Element

**NOTE:** IIIICHIIIIIGOOOOOOOOO!!!! T.T T.T

-Falls-

Ahah... -Sobs-

O))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))O

**ICHIGO!!! T.T**

**The 5th Element**

Mello: -Writes and reads aloud- Dear Diary... WHY WON'T YOU EVER ANSWER ME!!?? WHY?! -Bangs head on desk- Why doesn't Kai LOVE me?! -Growls-

Near: Um... I don't really know the answer to that question...

Mello: -Jumps and faces Near, hiding diary- GAH!

Near: But I'm sure that is has nothing to do with the fact that you, first of all, lead the mafia, second, killed many people in order to get the Death Note, three, conspire against the world and kill anyone who gets in your way, and four, wear curlers to bed.

Mello: What does that have to do with Go- Hey! -Grabs newspaper- No! Bad Near! -Hits Near- Bad Semei! Bad!

Near: -Grabs the newspaper- Want to see how much of a Semei I can be? -Pushes against Mello-

Mello: O.O;; N-Near... S-stop! People are reading!!!

Near: So? -Gets closer to him-

Mello: So... S-stop it before... I write a mean page about you in my diary!

Near: -Steps back and curls hair-

Mello: Yeah! That's right! Fear the all-mighty diary! He rules all! -Points victoriously at Diary-

Near: ... -Eyes shift and jumps on Mello-

Mello: N-no! S-stop!

Near: No stopping? Sure...

Mello: -Turns and writes in Diary calmly- Dear, Diary... HELP ME!!! HELP ME ONCE IN YOUR SORRY MAN-MADE LIFE!!!

Near: -Pulls Mello's shirt off from the back-

Itachi: What in Kat's name is going on in here?

Mello/Near: -Turns to look-

Sasuke: Near? Mello?

Near: ...

Mello: Oh, thank Gawd... The panda-whores have arrived... HELP ME, SLUTS!!!

Sasuke: Sluts? ...

Itachi: -Veiny pop-

L: Near? Mello?

Near: -Quickly lets go-

Mello: L!!! -Runs for L-

L: Whoa! -Mello grabs his shirt-

Mello: Help me... For Mi-chan's sake, HELP ME!!!

L: -Looks at Near- What did you do to him this time?

Kurama: This time?

Near: Nothing, Daddy. I was just helping him look at some bruises.

Mello: -Whispers into L's ear- Bruises that he made on me... he was trying to rape me!

L: -Chuckles- Haha, that's how I forcibly married your mom, Mi-chan!

Mello: -Sweatdrops- Uh? ... L, we're being serious here!!!

L: -Sneaky smile- I know...

Kurama: Not a very good example for the kids, is he? ...

Mello: -Runs to Itachi- You'll help me, right?!

Itachi: -Looks up- You might want to talk to my good friend, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei.

Mello: Oh, no...

Sasuke: Oy...

Kurama: Mello won't fall for that trick again...

Mello: I hate that bastard!

All: -Anime fall-

Mello: -Looks behind him- Hey, you guys! There's no time to smell the floor! That bastard, Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei's coming back!!!

Kurama: I guess you CAN fool Mello easily...

L: Eh...

Near: So... In terms to make him less stupid... Can I fuck his brains out?

L: Now, Near! -Stands and points a finger to Near-

Kurama: Finally! You're doing the right thing, L!

L: Go ahead -Kurama anime falls- But remember, he's still a virgin so the hole's going to be really, really small... -L emphasizes with his hands-

Kurama: L!

L: Eh? -Turns to Kurama-

Kurama: -Grabs- You know, you're the reason why this world is so populated.

L: Really? I'm quite flattered... Am I overpopulating it with Mi-chan? I sure do hope I am...

Sasuke: -Watches- ... Itachi-kun, what are they doing?

Itachi: -Brings out chalkboard drawings of them and puts Sasuke in a desk- Now, here, Near is Doggy styling him so that he could easily do him.

Sasuke: Oh!

Itachi: And now, Near has him in the Classic position.

(Itachi continues to teach; Sasuke listens inattentively)

L/Kurama: -Stare-

L: Kids...

Kurama: You're a kid...

L: So? You're a kid...

Kurama: That's what I said...

L: I know...

Kurama: -Stare-

L: -Eyes shift- ... LOOK!!! It's Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei!!!

Kurama: Ha!! Don't try that trick on me, I'm not Mello.

Mello: -Grunting- Hey!

L: You're right... It's just 'From First to Last'...

Kurama: 'FROM FIRST TO LAST?!' I LOVE THAT BAND!!!

L: -Runs-

Kurama: Huh? ... L!!! -Runs after him-

(Later...)

Mello: -Surfs web- ... Hey, look!

All: What?

Mello: L's non-fiction has hits!

Near: Hm?

Itachi: Is that what you did?

Near: ... I deny everything...

Mello: Hey, people like it!

Near: ... I deny nothing...

Sasuke: What did it say, anyway?

Mello: Nah, I don't think you want to read it.

Sasuke: ... Yes I do.

Mello: Uh, no. You don't.

Sasuke: How do you know?

Mello: Didn't you _hear _ me? I _told _ you that you_didn't_, therefore, you don't, you won't, and you will shut up.

Near: Therefore, you are KIRA!!!

Mello: Stop that!

Near: You started it.

Matt: Hello, dears!

Mello: Matt?! What the hell are you doing here?! 

Matt: -Looks around- ... I... Don't... Know...

Mello: Then get out of here!

Matt: -Pouts and folds arms- No!

Near: Matt-kun, let's play soccer.

Matt: Soccer!? I _**LOVE**_ soccer!

Mello: -Slaps forehead- Why? .

(Everyone goes outside; Near stands next to Mello; Itachi is alone)

Itachi: -Finger on chin- Hm.

Mello: -Hand on forehead- Grr.

Itachi: . -Begins to point but changes mind, putting finger back on chin-

Near: -Stare-

Itachi: . -Scouts the available players- (Sasuke and Matt are left)

Mello: . Just choose a fucking player already!!!

Itachi: All right! Damn! I choose Sasuke.

Sasuke: YES! -Walks over-

Mello: FINALLY! Matt! You're with u-

Itachi: Not so fast, now, happy bunny?

Mello: Happy bunny? What the fu-

Itachi: It's still our turn.

Mello: My ass! You already have two players!

Itachi: So do you.

Mello: -Looks at Near and himself; Near lowers his head, slightly- .. Grr! SO?!

Kurama: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!

Mello: SEE?! There! Kurama's back! We're even, now!

L: CAN WE PLAY!?

Itachi: I don't know where you learned your math, but I don't see anything even.

(L and Kurama stand next to Matt)

Mello: -Counting- 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Damn it, Matt! If you didn't come here, we would have equal players!

Matt: -Slumps-

Itachi: . I choose. L...

Mello: HEY! NO WAY! WE HAVE L!

Itachi: Fine, then. We have Kurama.

Mello: YES! L, you're with us! 

Matt: But, Mello-sama! What about me?!

Mello: What _about_ you?!

Matt: . -Pokes fingers together- I thought we had something special.

Mello: Tell that to Misa.

Matt: Oh. T.T

Mello: And, since it's still our turn-

Itachi: Wrong.

Mello: WHAT?! HOW IS IT THAT YOU GET TO CHOOSE TWICE AND WE DON'T!?

Itachi: In the rules of soccer, there are many rules, most of them entirely useless and stupid, but, since we are not playing official soccer, there can be different rules in our game to play with, but, since this _is _a game that we are officially playing without anyone here to say anything different to try to delude us into thinking this is a life or death situation, there is no reason not to play _officially_, but, since we are _officially_ about to play, we should go by our own rules that the official rules think are fit, savvy?

Mello: ... I have no IDEA WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!!!

Itachi: Therefore-

Mello: DON'T FUCKING SAY IT!!!

Itachi: -Looks at him- ... We go now.

Mello: -Sigh-

Itachi: Oh, and you're Kira.

Mello: AAAAHHHH!!! I'LL KILL-

Itachi: Our turn. We have.

(Matt looks up, hopeful)

Itachi: . -Pointing around; going past Matt- . Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei. You're with us.

Matt: WHO!?

Itachi: -Glare-

Matt: BUT NO ONE'S COMING!

Itachi: That's because he's already here.

Matt: -Looks around- . WHERE?!

Itachi: -Dresses Sasuke up in Tiki statue outfit- Here.

Matt: . HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED THAT?! Be serious! Not even Mello would fall for something like tha-

Mello: HOLY SHIT!!! Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei!

Matt: . But, Mello-sama, Itachi just put that suit on Sas-

Mello: Shut up, Matt! Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei might try to hurt you!

Matt: Oh, Mello-sama.

Mello: Shut up, Matt, and get over here! You're on our team! -Huddles everyone in and whispers- Okay, we'll need all of the help we can get against this guy. So.

Matt: -Hopeful gleam-

Mello: Absolutely no one passes the ball to Matt.

Matt: -Anime fall- You're so cruel.

Near: . There are too many people.

Mello: What?

Near: Look, we have L, Matt, you and I. That's four.

Mello: I CAN COUNT!!!

(Itachi's team)

Itachi: -Eavesdropping- ... If his counting is anything like his ability to see even numbers, they won't stand a chance.

(Back to Mello's team)

Near: Of course you can. Besides, Itachi has Sasuke and Kurama. That's only three. We outnumber them.

Mello: You forgot about Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei...

Near: ... Mello, be serious...

Mello: I AM BEING SERIOUS! GAWD! WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH PEOPLE AND THINKING THAT I'M NOT SERIOUS THESE DAYS!?!?!?

Itachi: Hey, ant eater humpers! Are you ready to play yet?

L: -Cocks head with thumb in his mouth- Ant eater?

Mello: Grr... YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT, ITACHI!!! PREPARE TO LOSE!!!

Itachi: Wait.

Mello: FOR KAI'S SAKE!!! WHAT NOW!?!? AM I STANDING ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE FIELD?!?! AM I IN PENALTY NOW!?!? OH, WAIT, MAYBE I SHOULD STOP BREATHING BECAUSE THAT'S AGAINST THE RULE **TOO**!!!

Itachi: ... Sure, knock yourself out, but what I was trying to say is that we should make team names.

Mello: ...

Itachi: We shall be, Team Kat!

Mello: ... THAT'S WHY YO-

L: And we shall be Team Mi-Kai!!!

Mello: HEY! Why is Mi-chan's name first!? Kai's should!!!

L: Too late!!! Start the game!!!

Mello: FUCK YOU!!!

L: Umm... Sorry, Mello, but when it comes to you, I'm pretty sure I'm straight...

Mello: ... -Veiny poppy-ness-

Itachi: HEY! I COPYRIGHTED THAT!!!

(During the game)

L: -Kicks ball-

Mello: PASS THE BALL!

(L kicks the ball to Mello; Kurama and Sasuke follow the ball)

Itachi: CLOSE IN ON HIM!!!

(Kurama and Sasuke close in on Mello)

Matt: Mello-sama! Pass the ball! I'm open!!!

Mello: Never! I... Must... WIN!!!

Near: -Watches-

Mello: Urg! -Kicks the ball; Itachi blocks and throws to Sasuke-

Mello: NEAR! SWITCH PLACES WITH MATT!

(Switch)

Matt: I won't fail you Mello-sama!!!

(Sasuke comes in)

Matt: Oh? -DS turns on- Freddy? -Sits and plays-

Sasuke: (Makes a goal)

Itachi's team: YAAAAAAAY!!!

Mello: Hey, MATT!!!

Matt: -Looks up-

Mello: -Throws ball into his face; Matt passes out-

(When Matt wakes up)

Matt: -Groans and wakes to see L stooping over him; Near and Mello standing next to him- -Sits up- Ah! Who won?

Mello: Who do you think?!

Matt: Oh... I'm sorry, Mello-sama... I failed you...

L: Matt...

Mello: Yeah, you did!

L: Mello!

Mello: WHAT!? HE DID!!!

(L shakes head and, with Near, walks away)

Mello: -Folds arms and watches them leave; Looks at Matt- Why did you make us lose?! We had more players!!!

Matt: Mello-sama... I... Wait... What happened to Iko Wakka Kiki Maka Kunta Kintei?

Mello: That bastard ran before the game started. Cowardous piece of shit...

Matt: ... -Blink-

Mello: Why did you come anyway? To make me lose and look like a fool?

Matt: Yes...

Mello: -Glare- What did you really come here to do?!

Matt: -Eyes shift- ... Play soccer...

Mello: I hate you...

Matt: But, Mello-sam-

Mello: NO, shut up! Leave, right now!

Matt: Oh... T.T -Leaves-

Mello: -Sees Sasuke- Hey, Sasuke!

Sasuke: Huh?

Mello: Congratulations on your win, buddy! -Puts arm over his shoulder-

Sasuke: -Hastily shifts eyes- Mello! I- What so you want?

Mello: Now, now. Is that any way to treat a fan?

Sasuke: Fan?

Mello: Of course, I always loved the way you... What do you do?

Sasuke: -Like a kid- I'm a ninja!

Mello: Sure you are! Now, I say we do a little something for Kurama.

Sasuke: Why? Is he sad?

Mello: Yes! That's why he's in the bathroom right now. He's crying...

Sasuke: ... But we won. Why would he be crying?

Mello: Because he's sad that he can't swim and Mi-chan doesn't like people who swim like drowning cats!

Sasuke: ... Kat? ... Wow... mi-chan's a bitch...

Mello: EXACTLY! That's why he wants to try to swim!

Sasuke: Swim? But, what does that have to do with anyth-

Mello: Didn't you hear? The winner of the game gets top go to the pool!

Sasuke: -Eyes lit- Really?!?!

Mello: -A bit freaked out by his reaction- ... Yeah... What ever makes you help me...

Sasuke: What?

Mello: Oh, nothing... I think we should make Kurama feel better. I want to make him feel better!!!

Sasuke: I do too... I know! Maybe we can buy him some Mi-chan floaties!

Mello: -Enthusiastically- Yeah! Or, we can get him something better!

(In the bathroom)

Kurama: I have to take a shit... -Sits in stall, unzips pants and whistles-

(Mello and Sasuke creep in with a bucket)

Mello: Shh... -Points to the stall-

Sasuke: -Nods-

Mello: -Kicks stall door open- HAAAAA!!!!

(Sasuke and Mello pour the bucket of shit on Kurama)

Kurama: O.o ... -Gets covered by shit; Stares-

Mello: Hey, Kurama! I heard shit floats!

Kurama: ... What the fuck did you do that for?!

Sasuke: I heard that you couldn't swim, Kurama, and Mello said that with poop, you can float on water!

Kurama: But I can swim fine.

Mello: -Evil grin- I know...

Sasuke: What?

Mello: I just wanted to congratulate the winner of the soccer game. -Laughs-

Kurama: ... -Stands up and zips up pants- ... -Walks out-

Sasuke: Where are you going, Kurama?

Kurama: To take a shower with Mi-chan.

L: -Walks in, holding nose shut- Why does Kurama smell like Mexico crossed the border to take turns taking a shit on him?

Mello: Didn't you hear? -Leans on sink- It was Ojo de Pollo de la Casa en Mi Hijo day in Mexico!

L: No... What is it?

Mello: It's when Mexicans from all over the world come over and poop on Kurama!

L: ... Where do you get your Mexican information from?

Mello: -Swoons- Kai...

L: ... Okay... She'd probably hit you because Mexicans only live in Mexico... Not all over the world...

Mello: ... Yeah, well, you just missed it. The whole lot of Mexicans came and went... Racist...

L: ...Interesting...

Sasuke: Today is such a confusing day...

O))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))O

Mello/ Near/ Itachi/ Sasuke: Review, please!

L: Along with John and Kurama! We form the WHIA!!!


End file.
